The one thing I literally *keep* forgetting... as in, by the minute, is that this journey is truly a step by step process, and there is almost no insight in to how things progress until you are at that stage. I am "fortunate" enough to know a few others who have gone through IVF before me. (Can you really call it fortunate that anyone has to go through this rollercoaster??) So I have chatted with a few other ladies who have told me a bit about what their experience is. The thing is though, that this process and the protocol is literally completely different for every couple experiencing it, depending on varying factors from age, weight, and specific reason for infertility. Just as pregnancy is completely different from woman to woman, each fertility treatment is very different from couple to couple.
Tomorrow we have our next meeting with the Reproductive Endocrinologist to get things going with IVF. We will, fingers crossed, have more of an exact idea of when we are starting, what meds I will be put on, roughly how long the cycle will last, and when we can expect to do my egg retrieval and then embryo transfer. We'll of course also be making decisions around freezing, if we have enough embryos to do so with. I'm also certain that we'll be presented with at least 1000 different options and considerations which have not even crossed our minds yet. Thankfully we are finally in the hands of a competant doctor and are always thrilled with his logic, thought process and judgements. One of the biggest challenges that we have faced, and especially now of greatest importance is the judgement calls of our doctor. So much of this is just risks and gambles. These are based on sound medical science, and actual tests ofcourse, but they nevertheless, are "judgement calls" by our doctor.
As much as my husband and I love to research, know what we're working with, know what all our options are, and what the outcomes will be... The fact is : We don't know. No amount of research will ever have us completely in the know. Neither of us are doctors, and even if we were, we're not fertility doctors. At some point you just have to trust your doctor and literally "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain". What you should pay attention to is if you are comfortable paying no attention to the man (or woman) behind the curtain.
In Halifax, my RE wanted to move forward full steam ahead right away after only 9 months of trying to IVF simply because my insurance through work covered it. She was completely unaware of my stage 4 endometriosis, had not done the necessary tests to rule it out, and had done only basic blood tests. Frankly my husband and I just felt blind sided. We went in wondering if maybe we should start looking in to things and felt like customers who were being sold a service, instead of patients who needed diagnosis and treatment. Now that we are doing IVF anyway, do I wish we had just done it back then? Heck, NO! Something just felt wrong with our interaction, and the bottom line was we did not at all jive with the judgement calls that she was making. We literally left every meeting with her more upset and more confused than when we went in. So, to anyone embarking on investigating fertility issues or starting up with fertility treatments, that would be my one piece of advice: If you cannot "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain", then switch doctors until you do find someone who you can have this with.
Having been through three Reproductive Endocrinologist I totally understand the feeling of "starting from scratch" with a new doctor... but now after 3.5 years of infertility and just now being diagnosed with endometriosis and having a game plan that actually makes sense with that, with a considerably high chance of success - it just feels right to move forward now. If you're wondering why I have had three RE's, the first one I was referred to left on maternity leave just one month after seeing me (how's that for cruel irony), the second whom I have mentioned here was who I was referred to next, and now my husband and I thankfully moved across the country and happened to land in the hands of one of the best RE's in Canada. Every time we walk out of our doctor's office we feel confident, reassured, and to be honest - just taken care of! I don't know how many times I've said "Thank god this is in his hands now!"
As frustrating as it can be to not know what's going on, and when things are going to happen sometimes it truly is almost refreshing to "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain".
Please note: I am the first to stand up and say you HAVE to be your own advocate, especially when it comes to your health. I would never suggest just blindly trusting something someone says simply because they are a doctor. My husband and I do critically think about all of the options and solutions that are laid before us from our doctors. The point here is simply that the process of considering these options is now a much more enjoyable conversation and leaves us feeling much more at ease as we have, so far, fully agreed with the decisions our current doctor presents us with.