Last week I wrote about the things no one tells you about IVF before starting the cycle. While there are definitely a few really crummy things that no one tells you about IVF, there is also a ton of stuff that is pretty incredible about IVF as well. Before starting this process, I had braced myself for the worst. Truth be told, we are still doing all we can to protect our hearts. I remind myself daily that there is only a 30% chance of success... which statistically means more often than not an IVF Cycle will fail. From day 1 my husband and I have both said "We'll be able to handle a negative pregnancy result and are just hoping and praying for multiple embryos to be able to try a FET Cycle instead of having to go through IVF from scratch again." The fact is almost no one comes to attempting IVF without a very long road of heartache and disappointment preceding it. We're very used to being heartbroken and let down. What continuously amazes me however, is the little glimpses of hope and magic hiding in tiny corners. There have been so SO many times during this road that my husband and I have literally just turned to look at each other and just laugh at the absurdity of it all.
We're actually having a lot of fun together with the IVF. I never in a million years thought we'd enjoy doing injections, but it has become one of our favorite parts of the day. I'm lucky that I've had practically no negative side effects to the injections. I'm a bit of a wimp about injecting myself so my husband does the injections for me, and luckily I haven't had any bruising from the needles, as I've read can be quite common. The time at the end of the day to stop and think about our baby, and be hopeful about the potential of welcoming our child into our family very soon has been a true blessing in disguise. There really is so much hopefulness in every injection. While we are doing our best to remain realistic - we are also very much allowing ourselves to revel in and enjoy the little things that give us hope. As with TTC (trying to conceive) there is a whole new set of abbreviations you need to learn when you venture in to IVF. One example of these abbreviations is PUPO - Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. When you are trying to conceive prior to IVF, whether it is with Clomid, IUI or just naturally on your own you just hope and pray that egg and sperm met and your little baby if forming inside you. You might be "sure" that this time you are pregnant.... But the truth is, you really have no way of knowing until it's time to test, or when your period shows up. With IVF, the term PUPO is used after the embryo transfer when you are 100% certain that you do have your baby inside you. Yes, you are still hoping and praying that your sweet little baby will nestle in make its home for 9 months. But even still you are, without a doubt, Pregnant. It's an unmatched hopefulness that neither of us have experienced before this - not even those months I was "sure" I was pregnant. Of course, we are well aware not all IVF Cycles do result in embryos being created - but with our age and medical histories there is no reason to think we'll be in this boat at all.
One aspect of this that has surprised us both is that over 3.5 years into trying to start our family we once again, feel like it's our first month off birth control. Well, to be fair, in some aspects it is our first month off birth control again. It's fun, exciting and we're SO full of hope again!! A few days ago I started what will hopefully be my last period for a very long time. Of course, I've had this thought many times before over the years... But there is something so much more concrete about it this time. I took the opportunity to celebrate this "last period" with a new stash of cloth LunaPads that I'm currently reviewing and will be hosting a Gift Certificate GiveAway to Luna Pads on the blog in April!! (Yay!) I had thought about doing a cloth pad Review/ Give Away in the past but have always steered clear since I never really wanted to revel in it being the "last" cycle before, for fear of jinxing ourselves. This time, whether it's my last for a while or not - as I mentioned before - it is my last period before I will most certainly have a child in my tummy. In a few short weeks, I will (most likely) be "PUPO", and that is reason to celebrate!
I have to admit, when we were first planning out IVF Cycle, I was a little uneasy knowing that my birthday would fall during our IVF Cycle. I was not expecting it to be a great day and really just wanted the day to come and go without notice. Lucky for me, my friends family and husband would have none of it! I was beyond spoiled on my birthday this year beforehand with time in New Jersey with my family, and then a lovely dinner with my honey on the actual day. What really took me back and will always stay with me is the sweet sentiments from my hubby on the day.
This lovely birds nest with pearl eggs moved me to tears the second I saw it. The mama bird sparrow is flying back to her babes on the necklace, with two more nests as earrings. When my husband told me why he chose to give this to me this particular birthday I was beside myself. His sentiments were that I am already an amazing mama bird, and our babies already feel my love and will hatch when they are strong enough to, but for now we will keep on loving them just as they are, wherever they are in the universe. Throughout our infertility struggles, and especially though this IVF I have been reminded at how truly blessed I am to have my husband to be 100% my partner in this journey. He's an incredible man, who keeps me strong through this and going through this struggle with him has been nothing short of a blessing. As painful as it's been at times, this road has shown us both aspects of each other that we never would have seen otherwise. We truly feel that through these struggles, we know each other better now and are more connected and in-tune with each other than most people are in their lifetime.
At the end of the day, it is a tough road but there is also a lot of wonder, magic and hope in it at every turn. What keeps my husband and I going is that one day, some day in the future, our child will be a teenage or young adult and will face a hard time. He or she might turn to us in despair and we'll be able to remind them that yes, they are strong enough to keep pushing through because we were able to keep pushing through. We fought through hell and back to bring them in to this world, and that strength and determination is in them, even if they don't feel like it is. Above all else, we'll be able to also remind them, that while it's incredibly hard and unfair, don't ever be so beaten down that you're unable to find the humour in situations. That's the true silver lining on the IVF Experience.
I cried when I saw the necklace and earings from your husband! What a thoughtful man! I had my first egg retrieval yesterday and just got the call that I have 8 fertilized embryos! Transfer later this week!
Posted by: Jena | 03/26/2012 at 11:34 AM
Injections are funny that way. Many couples find then quite empowering - for the first time in a long while of TTC you have something that is within your control. Incidentally, my LMP was this very day one year ago. Let's hope you have a little Christmas/ new years miracle in the works with this cycle.
Posted by: SIlverdollar | 03/26/2012 at 12:43 PM
Jena, thank you!! I was floored by his sweetness and the sentiment. Something I'll treasure for a long time! HUGE HUGE HUGE Congrats on 8 little embies!! I will be thinking of you and sending you LOTS of sticky dust for your transfer!! <3
Posted by: Arpita of Up, Down & Natural | 03/26/2012 at 07:05 PM
Aww, Silver, that's incredible!! :) Yes, here's hoping for a little Holiday Bundle!! Thank you for the sweet words!
Posted by: Arpita of Up, Down & Natural | 03/26/2012 at 07:06 PM
love love love this post - your husband sounds amazing - you guys are lucky to have each other.
Posted by: martha mcdougall | 03/26/2012 at 08:33 PM
Thanks Martha!! It's funny, I really did brace myself for the worst with the IVF but it really hasn't been half bad!! And yes, my honey is a real sweetie!! I am super lucky to have him!! <3
Posted by: Arpita of Up, Down & Natural | 03/26/2012 at 11:51 PM
Beautiful birthday gift. I have been thinking about you lots during this process of yours. If you need anything please msg or call me and I can be there in a jiff.
Posted by: Melodie | 03/27/2012 at 01:10 AM
Thank you so much Melodie, it means so much to me!! You're such a sweetheart!! If I need anything, I'll let you know for sure.
Posted by: Arpita of Up, Down & Natural | 03/27/2012 at 02:39 AM
Just stumbled on this and you have given me hope that I will be Pupo soon. :). We have gone through 17 failed cycles on our own and with IUI and start our IVF process this week with our consult. I know we still have a long journey but I am so excited at the possibilities!
Posted by: Lisa | 01/12/2013 at 11:47 PM